Australia

Things to Know about Australia include:

1. Abbreviate everything you possibly can. Why use two syllables when one will do? For example, on my way home from the airport I saw a sign that read "Happy Birthday Tones!" Because, you know, Tony is a long name and wears on the tongue.

2. Supré is the Suzy Shier/Stitches/H&M/Sirens all rolled into one, but with way more fluoro (fluorescent, see #1). The 80s are making a comback in a big way. Want a tiered, ruffled, white skirt with neon pink, green and yellow paint spatters? Head to Supré. High-waisted purple shorts with mini-suspenders? Supré again, my friend. Now if I could only get someone to explain to me why an Aussie store has a French name I'd be all set.

3. Sticker shock. Someone told me before I went that it's expensive to get to Australia, but once you're there, everything is cheap. So, when was the last time you saw a four-pack of toothbrushes on sale for eleven dollars? These are Europe prices, people. But then again, in a country where serving jobs pay you in the double-digits, perhaps this is to be expected.

4. Random, random, random. A bogan is a hick, a hubbard is a nerd, a gumby is a person who is clumsy, a bin is a garbage can, a battler is a little guy who fights hard (applied variously to Silverchair back when they were 14 and a kid working hard at school and not having much success). I'm probably not even getting these quite right.